I struggle to live comfortably when I feel or sense tension. You know the kind, we all do. It’s that familiar place of being somewhere in between, stuck in the middle somewhere between already and not yet… in a job, ministry, relationship, etc.
The tension in the middle ground is like a wilderness. In some areas, the wilderness has the tragic sinking sand reminiscent of The Neverending Story; in others, we battle rodents of unusual size, like those in The Princess Bride. (I’m feeling a bit nostalgic, can you tell?)
Should I stay or should I go? That’s the million-dollar question when we’re there, isn’t it? When tensions rise, I want my response to come from a constant, steadfast seeking of the Lord’s direction.
When we were called to start homeschooling our kids nearly 20 years ago, we decided to take it year by year. We are still taking it year by year. When we began, my zeal led me to think that everyone should homeschool because I felt so strongly about it.
Zeal can easily get the better part of me when I feel a call to something new. We sure like new, shiny things, don’t we?!? How many sermons have you heard the speaker announce God doing a new thing?
We like whatever it is so much that we believe everyone is called to do what we feel we are. However, I’ve learned that some callings are short-term assignments, while others call us to grow deep roots. No one answer is designed to fit everyone. We aren’t designed that way. We too quickly forget this.
Oftentimes, rather than humbly accepting our ignorance and recognizing it as a sign we need help, we go to the Scriptures in haste, looking for an answer for our right now problem. When we don’t consider the context or the author’s meaning, we risk treating the Bible like its a magic 8 ball, totally neglecting wisdom, knowledge, and the Spirit! It is in our human nature to make meaning out of the world around us. That’s a good thing! But, when we are left to our own devices, we see patterns that the authors who penned the Scriptures never intended it to have. Banking on mere coincidences may be less time-consuming than investing time cultivating a relationship with Jesus, but only one leads to eternal rewards.
I’ll describe one of my in between tension zones. I’ve noticed a recurring challenge arise when striving to be Spirit-led and to celebrate diversity. I’ve been reflecting on what it means to image God through our varied preferences, cultural backgrounds, experiences, and beliefs. How are we to celebrate unity amidst such differences if what brings us together excludes or wounds others? It humbles me to think of all the times I’ve brushed off other peoples’ ideas. More often than I’d like to admit, I end up getting in my own way.
I’m constantly encouraged by one of my professors to approach pastoral counseling with curiosity, compassion, and empathy. I’m honestly trying to embrace the mindset in all of my relationships, remembering that I don’t know everythinh, nor can I really know who people are based on my own faulty assumptions. Academic humility isn’t my strong suit; I often interpret identified problems or weaknesses theologically. Managing my role in addressing or revealing these issues is particularly challenging. As soon as I learn something new, I want everyone to get it! Unfortunately, I’ve found not everyone is as equally passionate about certain topic.
I don’t know what to expect when I’m suspended between what once was and what now isn’t… how do you rest in that kind of tension? When do I speak up? When do I wait? When will so and so finally get it? Will they?!? In times like these, I try to hold onto hope, but sometimes everything feels too dark, overwhelming, and disappointing. The waiting feels like it’s a never-ending story!
Waiting for the sun to rise again while chasing the last bit of light from yesterday is not only exhausting, but impossible! I picture the Lord sneaking up behind me with the warm glow of a new day resting on my back, easing the tension I’ve held trying to catch up to Him.
This is probably how the disciples felt after Jesus was crucified. The way they envisioned their future could no longer be an option. Dare they continue to chase the fleeting light of the setting sun? They only knew the light from the day when He was with them. They weren’t expecting a completely new day to sneak up behind them.
Time and time again, the Lord waits for me, welcoming me back. Each time I turn around, I stand amazed by His kindness, grateful for His unwavering love. Recognizing myself as the object of His pursuit reminds me of how small I am, how great He is, and how deeply I am loved.
That’s the hook, line, and sinker for me. The bait He draws me in with is love, love for Him and love for His people. Just as much as God loves me, He loves other people. Even those who tighten the tension as I’m holding down my middle ground.
Historically, revival waves tend to rise when minority voices are heard. This was on my mind earlier today. The AG initially began with just a few minority voices, but over time, many other voices, like those with teaching gifts, have been quieted or driwned out. But I see a wave of strength and revival coming from our scholarly brothers and sisters. Those, who aren’t necessarily pastors, have so much passion and insight to share to help strengthen and heal the Body of Christ!
Changes will need to be made to make room for the body to stretch her legs (aka people to use and be appreciated for their gifts). Wiuld you be willing to make room for the theologians? Wiuld you be willing to actually embrace changing your mind about a long standing belief you’ve preached on before if you discover there’s a better explanation?
I get really excited dreaming about what could be. I already see so many possibilities, and it’s sometimes hard to be patient when things aren’t there yet! I keep reminding myself that changing direction on a cruise ship takes time, especially with so many people on board.
Usually, nobody wants things to change until the current situation becomes so uncomfortable that they feel they have no choice. Even then, real change doesn’t happen instantly—it takes time and effort. Knowing this, I picture myself walking into the kingdom, a bit battered—using a crutch, an eye patch, and bandages—and feeling proud, knowing every step was worth it. Like Jacob must have felt after he wrestled with the Lord all night.
True love, like Wesley’s for Princess Buttercup, will keep me waiting here in the middle with a heart positioned to respond with, “As you wish,” whenever I hear the Lord’s voice. That’s what got me this far, and that’s what will take me home.
My yes keeps me in step when I see so many leaders falling. When pastors are exposed for ludicrous acts, I cringe, and hold onto my yes even more tightly. I wholeheartedly want to offer him an unhindered yes. So, all the stumbling blocks have to be dealt with. Some require moving, others pursuing, and some resisting.
At times, I may have to push when everyone else is pulling. I don’t have control over their decisions, but I’m called to have self control over mine. This is where I’ll stand, wait, hope, and remain without my yes in faith, believing that the Lord knows what He’s doing in and through me even when I don’t… especially in this space in the middle!
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