In the middle of this mess I stand, holding down this ground we’ve gained,
Praying that in the midst of it all these kids would feel something more than just pain.
I knew from the beginning that my heart would break a thousand times,
But I knew then that each one was worth it,
And I remind myself I wasn’t called to the sidelines.
The calling is a high one, it’s one where we must go low.
I’ve learned more patience this past year than anyone will ever know.
I’ve finally learned to hold my tongue when theirs is running loose,
I’ve learned to have compassion knowing their behaviors are rooted in abuse.
In the middle of this mess I crawl, when I feel like I can’t take another day,
They still need me strong, they need someone to say it’s going to be okay.
I will hold them close as their little worlds all fall apart,
I will be their bandaid over their tiny broken hearts.
When their childhoods are ripped away I’ll try to give them back,
And piece by piece we’ll learn to love, to grow, to play, to laugh.
I’ve realized I don’t know near as much as what I used to claim,
I used to have it all together, now life is a big waiting game.
Sometimes I have to cancel or even ignore your calls,
Please don’t take it personal, I can’t control life’s curveballs.
In the middle of this mess I kneel, my God will meet me here,
He’s big enough to Father me and take away my fear.
He’s Father to the fatherless, He meets their every need,
Through case managers, doctors, and teachers, He’s planting seed after seed.
Seeds of love and normalcy, things these little ones never knew,
From planet chaos to my home now, I will walk them through…
Through the storm and through the valley, wherever their roads go,
I get to hold their little hands for just a little while, I get watch them grow.
In the middle of this mess I look around and I see life!
Life is bursting from these ashes, life is here in spite;
In spite of all the bitterness, the hardships, and the fears,
Life is springing forth, and I rejoice with their real tears!
The tears that took such trust to build, the tears that were held back,
Behind a bruised, hard broken heart, that’s finally starting to crack.
Oh little one, you’re worth it all, worth every sleepless night,
Worth every stressful phone call, every laid down right.
So call after call I will make, case managers, doctors, and schools,
As I teach you what will keep you safe: boundaries and rules.
I’ll tuck away your stories, they’re not at all mine to tell,
I’ll hold you in this mess we’re in until all is made well.
