Scripture reads that life and death are in the power of the tongue and those who love it will eat it’s fruit. Proverbs 18:21.
Someone whose opinion I highly regarded once told me that “everything I ever say is critical.” And it hurt me. I felt they had misjudged my character, and that they didn’t know the real me. At the time, I knew my motives were driven by love and compassion, even though they weren’t received that way.
As months went by, I noticed I was excessively paying attention to everything that came out of my mouth, convinced that if I worded it wrongly, I would come off as critical. And I wondered, “Am I?”
I was in danger of their comment becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy the more I internalized their words.
I’d rather have confrontation than unresolved conflict, but what this did began a different kind of conflict I wasn’t used to. This internalized conflict made me question the core of my identity. I wanted to explain myself, tell them I have a story, and explain how much God has changed, moved, and loved me.
But nothing I could say could convince anyone who I really was. They could choose to get to know me deeper, or they could effortlessly settle on believing their false presumptions.
Choosing not to draw near, I pulled away, not just from that person but from others. What the Lord keeps bringing me back to is that I don’t have to prove myself; I just have to love him. Like I was when I was falsely judged. And then choose to shake off the dust.
If I hadn’t shaken it off, my eyes would have held onto the dirt and allowed it to cloud my vision. I get to let God wash me with his word, renew my mind, and hold my heart next to his with a love that doesn’t draw back or draw back into the ashes and muddy mess of the world around me. It’s hard sometimes, especially when I feel like who I am isn’t hitting the mark since now I have become so preoccupied with who I am not.
This is why I think sin-focused preaching leads to shame. I want to trust God to do what only he can.
I became obsessed with being overweight after someone asked me to join Weight Watchers with them almost 20 years ago—15 years of distraction, working for a destination that my body was incapable of maintaining. I recently worked with my doctor and got my medical stuff done, so I don’t have to think obsessively about food. I make good choices, and that’s enough.
There’s so much freedom in waking up and being empowered to be your authentic self, utterly free from shame and people-pleasing. The truth is, I don’t have to become obsessed with who I’m not; I can just be myself freely. And, when I believe I’m who he says I am, I can extend my arms and draw near to others needing the same things I do.
Long story short, if you ever question my motives, come closer. If they’re off, I hope you trust I don’t want them to be! I welcome your concerns and even your rebuke! If there’s just some misunderstanding or break in our relationship, come closer, let’s get to know each other more, and discover the beauty of a God who values diversity and pursues us all the more.
If you’ve made it this far, take a few minutes to read chapter 8 of Romans and be encouraged.
Verses 1 and 2 read: “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.”
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