Spiritual abuse and manipulation are not always easy to identify. There are times when we can’t see it because there are some neglectful patterns that settle into our community’s culture. Other times, we don’t recognize it because we don’t want to. Still, there are other times it’s because they don’t think what is being brought up actually is spiritual abuse.

Spiritual abuse can involve anyone. It can be a church pastor, elder, or other religious authority figure abusing followers of their faith. Toxic cultures shame or control members with the “authority that comes with their position” (What Is Spiritual Abuse? | The National Domestic Violence Hotline, 2021).

Why is this so important to address? When a church fosters a culture that silences questions, discourages transparency, and uses shame and manipulation to coerce members into following the agenda they believe is from God, the whole community suffers. It is vital to equip disciples with the knowledge and wisdom regarding how to discern the will of God and apply it per the Holy Scriptures. The whole body of Christ must be equipped to associate spiritual abuse by identifying any behaviors and practices that violate an individual’s ability to freely practice their faith autonomously. 

Discerning Practices of Spiritual Abuse and Manipulation Within the Local Church

One of the most dangerous tactics used to coerce and manipulate members of the body of Christ is when spiritual leaders claim to have heard God’s will for us. When these leaders place themselves as mediators between God and people, they usurp Christ’s authority as our high priest. These self-promoted leaders coerce believers into agreement utilizing phrases like “We have listened to God only, and we know His will.”

Statements like these cause believers to question their ability to hear from God for themselves. Power-hungry leaders may also claim a special spiritual position or unique anointing that sets them apart. Using their “God-given authority,” they push their personal agendas forward to get what they want and may even believe they are following God’s will. Manipulative leaders employ these fear-based tactics to elevate their interpretation of Scripture to the same status as Holy Scripture, ignoring basic, widely accepted hermeneutical principles to prove their point.

Spiritually abusive leaders exploit Scripture, so it is imperative that you learn how to read it correctly. You need to recognize when someone’s made an idol of their interpretation of what God intends it to be or if it’s a debatable point. While prophetic words have a place in the church, each one should be judged. Yes, you should judge them! Test them, especially those words leaders present as words from God.

Another time we need to pay close attention to how the will of God is being presented in our church is when Scripture does not explicitly speak to the situation at hand. The consequences that follow are devastating if the Scripture cannot be recognized because it’s not known. As Christians, we must strategically prepare ourselves to stand firm in the Word and recognize lies and twisted scriptures when they come our way. This can only be done by studying to show ourselves approved. We must learn how to study the Bible and seek God’s face for ourselves!

The whole counsel of Scripture should be considered when attempting to discern God’s will. Hebrews informs us that God spoke through His prophets and in other ways in the past, but now He speaks to us through His Son (Hebrews 1:1—2— Bible Gateway, n.d.).

Let’s look at some of the Scriptures that speak to the “will of God.” 

The first part of 1 Thessalonians 4 explains what the will of God is for all believers in Christ: 

It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. For God did not call us to be impure but to live a holy life. Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit.

Now, about your love for one another, we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other. And in fact, you do love all of God’s family throughout Macedonia. Yet we urge you, brothers and sisters, to do so more and more and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.

The text in Ephesians 5 similarly provides a better understanding for discerning the Lord’s will: 

Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

But among you, there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk, or coarse joking, which are out of place but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things, God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore, do not be partners with them.

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness, and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness but rather expose them. It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. This is why it is said:

“Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”

Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil. Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

All of Chapter 12 in Romans: 

A Living Sacrifice

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then, you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing, and perfect will.

Humble Service in the Body of Christ

For by the grace given me, I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

Love in Action

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

This Scripture in Colossians 1:

For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

Other Scriptures further elaborate on how God defines his will. For example, Paul declares in Acts 20:27 that he has proclaimed to the people the “whole will of God.” Romans 8 mentions how the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with God’s will, using all things together for good for those who are called according to his purpose, his purpose being that his people be conformed into the image of Christ. 

I gather several points from these texts considering God’s will.

• God’s will is for His people to live holy lives, and through whatever situations and circumstances they encounter, they seek to follow the Spirit in how best to live for him.

Ultimately, we can agree on what Scripture tells us about the will of God.

We need to pursue wisdom and put on humility when others try to convince us that they absolutely know God’s will about a situation that others might see differently. When we feel like we absolutely know God’s will about a situation others are still praying about, and even when they disagree with us, we need to pursue humility and wisdom even more. We give the enemy a foothold when we don’t because contention and offense naturally follow when we don’t. 

God uses all things together for good; whether we turn to the left or right, as long as we seek to walk in the light and listen to his voice, he will be faithful. His sheep hear his voice, and they will not follow another’s. There’s no other way into his fold but by the Good Shepherd who is faithful in calling us each by name. More than we want to be right in our opinions, we must desire to be right with the Lord. 

 God’s will is for his people to produce godly fruit, walk in humility, and love mercy! God’s will is that we go and make disciples of all nations, then He will build His church. We tend to overcomplicate many things that we don’t need to be. We’d do well to remember that there’s always a godly way to walk in God’s will. 

Accountability 

Questions and criticism are not always fiery darts from the devil meant to bring destruction. Jesus took time to answer people’s questions and meet them where they were. He did not get defensive and try to prove He was right, as we often do when questioned. Jesus, the Good Shepherd, took time to listen.

I sincerely doubt Jesus flipped the tables at the local tavern when the locals met up and confessed how many times they felt they were left behind by their religious leaders. Maybe that’s where he pieced the parable of the Good Samaritan together. When leaders are more concerned with their own cleanliness and agendas to stop and help another human being bleeding out in a ditch, there’s a problem.

How many lost sheep are isolated because they asked questions, and the flock pushed them out? Jesus listens even today. If Jesus slows down to listen, so should we. Those who abuse their authority in the church turn the tables around and point their fingers toward someone else. We must place our trust in God, especially when we want vindication. We must seek wisdom and friends; wisdom goes low; it doesn’t try to flip the table we weren’t allowed to sit at. 

If we believe that when Jesus was asked questions, he could see right through to the heart of a matter, can we trust Him to speak to those who now have the mind of Christ? I honestly believe God delights in many of our questions. I have found that sometimes He answers them, and other times, He chooses not to, or I simply miss it.

If we seek wisdom and walk in humility, we position ourselves to stay teachable. Godly correction is initiated with gentleness and an authentic desire for repentance and restoration.

When I consider Paul’s armor analogy, I can’t help but picture a line of faithful Christians holding their ground with their whole body shields of faith while their leaders step out of rank, demanding their own way to lead the people where they think they should go. Have we taken our belts of truth off to beat our children into submission? Are we standing behind our shields of faith? Where did we leave our breastplate of righteousness last? Did we leave it at home in the closet because we think we look better without it? Do we recognize the difference between our shoes of peace and combat boots? Have we replaced the helmet of salvation with a WWJD ball cap?

Are we seeking to eat fruit or produce it?

The Lord knows who the liars and thieves are, who impatiently climb the fence, demanding greener grass than He offers. Make no mistake, He sees them. We have to guard what we eat before we become a power-hungry goat willing to eat anything, regardless of if it will choke anyone on the way out. 

Ask for wisdom to walk in God’s will. Seek mercy and walk humbly before the Lord to pursue His will. He is faithful, and we can trust Him to finish the work He started in us, even when we feel like we can’t trust people anymore. Don’t let anyone else attempt to live your life for you. No one else can be a living sacrifice for you. Seek the Lord while He may still be found! He’s totally worth it. That’s God’s will for your life. 

References

Hebrews 1:1 – Bible Gateway. (n.d.). https://www.biblegateway.com/verse/en/Hebrews%201:1

What is Spiritual Abuse? | The National Domestic Violence Hotline. (2021, November 8). The Hotline. https://www.thehotline.org/resources/what-is-spiritual-abuse/#:~:text=uses%20their%20partner’s%20religious%20or,or%20sexual%20abuse%2Fmarital%20rape)