Have you ever had a cartful of groceries all ready to go and the card thing declined your card? I have. It happened to me just a little bit ago. I was in Evansville and the store wouldn’t take a check. They couldn’t punch numbers in from my husband’s card on their machines. I was so frustrated. It didn’t take long for the big lump in my throat to form. You know how it is when you’re trying to talk and not cry? I wonder if they thought I was rude. I wasn’t trying to be. They were just doing their jobs. I’m a big fan of the store. I called my husband and he suggested running to the ATM and going back. So I ran to the ATM and it declined my card. Twice. It wouldn’t even give me a balance so I knew something was wrong. I called my husband again. Siri couldn’t pull up the phone number of the grocery store so I had him look it up. I didn’t know if I would have enough gas to get home. I knew it’d be close. And I really didn’t want to go back in the store to tell them I was unable to make the purchase. He got the number for me and I started off on my way home trying to call them to let them know what was going on.
It was an answering service. I couldn’t get through to the store and I couldn’t chance running out of gas. I felt awful. I cried. I didn’t understand. I’d gotten almost everything on my super long list and was ready to stock my pantry and my new deep freezer. Yesterday I was sure that God always pulled through and today I was starting to wonder why this was happening. Could it have been that the card was just old and there wasn’t anything spiritual about it? That’s not usually how things go when you walk with Jesus. He uses everything to speak to me, especially things that pull on my emotions. This, this had me ready to almost kick my dog when I walked in the door just for licking me. Don’t worry, I didn’t.
So I decided to pray. There weren’t that many words, to be honest. I wondered if I’d asked God when it was processing to go through. I hadn’t, but I knew there was more than enough money in the account to pay for what I was getting. Then I started to declare who I knew Him to be: faithful. Because of His faithfulness, He is working something in me that required my pride to be exposed. Because of His faithfulness, maybe He could be protecting my family from some kind of food borne illness that nobody knew about yet. Maybe something in my cart was contaminated with E. coli. And then it occurred to me: maybe this was nothing more than just a test.
Still driving on my way home I wondered if things were going to get worse. I wondered if I was going to get pulled over. I imagined the way I would respond to an officer: “Yes, officer. I was speeding and I deserve a ticket. I have a sap story about my night, but I’m no longer going to play the victim (or imagine how these things would play out in my mind.) But, if I were to run out of gas while you have me pulled over, could I get a ride home?”
Then I pictured myself coming home and eating a big bowl of ice cream and watching TV as I vegged out and let myself calm down. Then I thought to myself, “No. I will not turn to anything but God for comfort.”
Yes, I was worried about making it home, but I have a husband who would move heaven and earth to take care of me and keep me safe. It just wasn’t necessary. Sometimes we want rescued out of our circumstances that God wants us to walk out of. That’s how it is with God. He owns the cattle on a thousand hills. The money’s in the bank account and sometimes when we pray and we believe it doesn’t seem like the transaction goes through. Something gets messed up. Will we at that point doubt God’s faithfulness to take care of us? Will we doubt the provision we see in His Word that’s there in our account waiting to be used? Will we demand payment be made for something He wants us to have or will we trust His timing? His wisdom? His provision? Will we trust Him? Will we be nice to people when we don’t get our way with what we think we need? Will we turn to other things for comfort when we don’t get what we want or will we position our hearts in gratitude toward our loving Father who knows just what we need?
I had just listened to Catherine Mullins teach on peace and taking every thought captive earlier today in my quiet time. I know this was a test. E coli or not, this was a test. And I really don’t want to go around this mountain again. I want to pass this test. Because this test will determine whether I make it to the next one. This test will either cause me to look more like the old me or more like Him. And I choose Him. Even if I want to cry. Even if my kids don’t have their favorite drinks for one more day. I choose Him. And it’ll be worth it. And if you were the cashier at that store tonight, I’m really, really sorry. 😦 I’m praying blessings over you tonight.
UPDATE: I contacted our bank today and it seems that they had a drop in their system for about 15 minutes last night and I was one of the lucky few that it had affected. They said my card was still good. Now I just have to humble myself, swallow some pride, and go get some groceries! It’s amazing to me how the Lord will use even that to speak to me. How many times are we disappointed in not getting what we want and then we are told to step out in faith again to ask for the exact same thing?! Lower still! Lower still!
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