My favorite place to study the bible online is at http://www.blueletterbible.com. I went there today and read the daily scripture reading. “A bruised reed He will not break.” There was a devotional that followed that referenced the scripture from Isaiah that Jesus read in the synagogue from Isaiah 61. “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me… He has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor… Sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor…”
I began to think about how hard that is… setting captives free. Obviously not hard for him, but let’s get real, what He gave, that was hard. It was a pretty expensive price to pay, so when I think about when I partner with Him in what He’s about, well, the price I’m going to be paying will probably be high, too. But I’m not really thinking about the cost in a way that I used to. The cost is me. My time, my efforts, my energy, my wisdom, my things, giving myself to serve others… the cost is everything I have. He’s already paid the price so we can walk in that authority, but still, it’s costly.
That didn’t used to make sense to me. How can something be free and cost you your life? It’s the Kingdom. You’ve got to walk in it to get it. The Holy Spirit sometimes takes me on rabbit trails. So, back to where I was, that’s the work Jesus came to do on the earth, and the work He is still doing on the earth through the Holy Spirit and through His intercession. That’s the work I’m partnering with to bring heaven on the earth.
Then another scripture came to mind from Isaiah 58:
“Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke?”
I’m pretty good at remembering that part, so I went there. I read on:
“Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh? Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, “Here I am.” If you take away the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness, if you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to dwell in. If you turn your foot from the Sabbath, from doing your pleasure on my holy day, and call the Sabbath a delight and the holy day of the Lord honorable; if you honor it, not going your own ways, or seeking your own pleasure, or talking idly, then you shall take delight in the Lord, and I will make you ride on the heights of the earth; I will feed you with the heritage of Jacob your father, for the mouth of the Lord has spoken.”
A few months ago I wanted to get close to God and fast. I wanted to give Him something really big. Three days into that fast He told me to stop. He told me He didn’t want my big things I could give Him. He didn’t want me to muster up enough energy and planning to give Him a wonderful sacrifice. He wanted me daily more than I was giving. He wanted obedience in every single moment. He wanted to be the center of attention in every conversation, the main course at every meal, the only fountain that I would drink from.
The thing is… there for a little while I thought I’d already gotten there. I thought He had all of me. But He required more. He prepared my heart for what was coming in the next season of my life as He worked some things out of me that I didn’t know had come in. He worked (and is still working) greed out of me. I was greedy and wanting more to eat than what my body was calling for. I would overeat simply because it was so good. I never recognized it as sin until He showed me. I didn’t realize that in my heart I wasn’t trusting Him to feed me again. I didn’t realize how important that revelation would be then. Now I see it in children who have food issues. It’s a heart issue.
We’re part of a culture that glorifies really good food and really skinny people. I was stuck in the middle of that with my affections, not realizing that my identity as a child of God was at stake when I would try to be what I thought the world wanted from me. The world’s standards gave me the “Aww, it’s okay, that’s one of the acceptable sins in the kingdom. Eat, drink, be merry.” I believed the lies and didn’t even know they were in there. It was just accepted. The thing I love about God is that the more we learn about Him the deeper He takes us and the more He has us give up and the more He gives us. Sure, we might look legalistic, but if you’re walking with the Spirit, it shouldn’t matter what anyone else says. You’ve got the Spirit, baby!
So back to Isaiah. I wanted to give Him something big. Something I could do in my own strength. I wanted to show God that I could give up the food that had my heart because I loved Him more. I guess what I didn’t fully understand was how much I needed Him to do so.
I’ve seen a lot of bickering on social media about different scriptures, teachings, opinions, etc. When I read them I feel yucky, even with some of the posts I would agree with. Those posts used to really bother me. A lot. One day I heard the Holy Spirit say, “Blah, blah, blah” as I read through one such post. That helped me to realize it didn’t matter as much as I thought it did… At least in my heart. Lots of people take stands on social media, but I don’t see near as many people taking a stand in their spiritual lives. Part of that could be because most of that is hidden. Or is it there? Is it in your life? Your spiritual stand? Are you loosening the bonds of wickedness? Undoing the straps of the yoke and letting the oppressed go free? Breaking every yoke? Sharing your bread with the hungry? Bringing the homeless into your house? Covering the naked? Pouring yourself out for the hungry? Satisfying the desire of the afflicted? Resting when God says to rest?
I’m not typing this thinking I have all of this down. My life is not perfect, I don’t pretend it is, I’m sharing to encourage you to go deeper.
Yesterday I needed a shower. Like, really, really needed one. My hair was greasy, it was up in a bun. My clothes were dirty, my pants were at least 2 days old. There was wiped off spit up on my shirt, some SpaghettiOs smeared on my back pockets. I wanted to get up early and take a shower before the kids got up but they beat me up. I’d considered taking a shower at nap time, but that was the time I had given to the Lord to read my Bible. I really wanted a shower. I needed a shower, but the last time I tried to do something else during the nap time hour I heard the Lord say, “I thought this was my time…” He’s jealous of His time.
So I sat down at the computer to get on my blue letter bible resource. I pulled up the page and said, “God, I need something. Where do I go, what do you want me to read?” And I heard Him say this: “Why don’t you go take a bath? Let me wash you with my Word.”
I was excited at that. Ooooh, He’s going to read scripture over me, I get to hear Him say it in His voice! So off the the bathroom I went. He invited me to a bath. It had been a while since I’d had a bath and not just a shower. My bathroom time has been limited lately. I started the water and got in. I felt completely distracted. I was already feeling lousy yesterday anyway because I had fallen back into overeating a little bit the week before. I recognized it was because I was so tired. I wanted to just eat and go to bed just to feel better. I had repented and asked Him for grace. Part of me wants to go back to the law I learned from counting calories and writing down my food, but what I needed was His grace. I knew I needed Him but I was still a little ashamed that I couldn’t do it on my own.
It didn’t take long to discover the sand the kids left in the tub from playing outside. The Lord began to remind me of scriptures, “Do you know that I have more thoughts about you than the sand?” That’s a whole lot of sand and it’s really hard to get rid of. I’ve been trying to rinse that sand down the drain for days now. It just keeps coming back! He continued to remind me of scriptures. “Before I knew you in the womb…” As I lathered up my hair I could feel the blood of Jesus washing me clean all over again. It felt like I was getting saved for the first time. It was His time. He took my filthy rags, my greasy hair, my tired self, my poured out soul, and He washed me.
He reminded me to rest, He reminded me of who I was, He gave me grace, He gave me strength. And He taught me, all over again, how to take delight in Him. Pouring yourself out in the way He calls you to is hard work! You have to diligently seek God’s wisdom in every little detail. You have to rest when He tells you to. You have to discipline yourself and write your sentences! But, most importantly, you have to hear His voice to know when to do what.
He’s also reminded me that when I think my prayer life is lacking because I’m busy taking care of the kids, His word says that “whatever I do to the least of these, I do unto Him.” When I change diapers, when I sit and read books, when I go about my daily routine and I do it all unto Him, He’s right there.
It gives me hope for my kids… it helps me to remember how God is with us so I know how to be a good parent to them. Because I have a feeling that through my kids, even through those I didn’t/won’t give birth to, the ancient ruins will be rebuilt and I will be called a repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to dwell in.
So, when they mess up, sometimes I will have them in time out, sometimes they will go to bed early, sometimes they will write sentences, and sometimes they will take a sandy bath. And they will know God through me. Because that is my desire, that they would know Him and be like Him. It’s my desire because my Father gave it to me. And I’m so grateful for all that He is… Big enough to hold the world and yet gentle enough to not break a bruised reed. What an awesome God we serve!
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